My New Life

Ok, so maybe this will help me move on with my life. I have no idea, but here is where I am at in my life. I am 30 years old, I live with my x, who is now turned best friend but at the same time enemy because he is taking everything i love and hiding it. My husband left me to go find hisself and the smart part of me is glad because we have had problems almost since day 1. But my heart wants him to stay and work things out. He comes around to help me out and we act like things never went bad, but that does a number on my heart. I have been put a way for a nervous breakdown once, I have to go to therapy twice a month to keep my anxiety and depression down to where I can function daily, and yet now I want to start dating. I don't know if I want to date to get my mind off Matt or because I am ready to date again. I have thought about this a lot, and I am not willing to date men. I have had gf's before and before matt for two years that was all I dated, and now I want to go back. Not because I have been so damaged by Matt that I dont want men, it's just I miss women. I miss their voice, the smell of their skin, and the way they act. I like being the male in the relationship as funny as that sounds...well if you knew me that would be funny to you. The apartment I live in I love, I love the way it is layed out and I love the space I have. When i get my bills all paid up it will be so much better I can afford the things I want. Like I want a pretty headboard, and matching items. LOL what a girl I am. I have a lot of dreams for my life, and I dont know how to put them together and get them done. I need to get a car first and foremost and then I think i will go from there. That won't be till February though, but on the positive end, that will give me time to get my credit in order. Do I actually think someone will read this, no, but does it make me feel better that I am writing this all down yes. I need to vent and venting on a piece of paper don't make me feel all that better beccause noone can read it. This makes me feel better because I can get feed back if someone actually comes across me. What I ultimately want out of this blog is friends, or people who can give me feedback on what is going on in my life. Thanks for listening.

jodee